Staying Still

by Deerful

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    Silver glitter cassette tape (we've run out of sage green and pink!) with a printed cover and label illustrated by Emma.

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about

Staying Still was written in the summer of 2015, mostly from my bed, sometimes from a friend's sofa or under a tree in the park at the end of my road, when I was very ill with what turned out to be severe depression. It's a record about stasis and feeling stuck, failed attempts at escape and at being heard, intrusive thoughts and stuffing them down.

It's also a record about recovery although I didn't know that at the time.

I'm releasing it on cassette because I love cassettes, even though I know nobody has the means to play them.

I hope you enjoy it.

credits

released July 8, 2016

All music, lyrics, and artwork by Emma Winston.
Mixed by Darren Hayman.
Mastered by Ian Button.

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about

Deerful London, UK

Deerful is Emma Winston. Emma is a singer, keyboardist and producer from London who, after years of playing keyboard with indiepop artists including Darren Hayman and Owl & Mouse, decided to begin making electronic music of her own in 2015. She writes and performs melodic pop on miniature synthesisers about running away, staying in place, brokenness, recovery, and taking up space in the world. ... more

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Track Name: Some Nights
VERSE
Are you ever coming home?
You spent the springtime with the world upon your shoulders
And a girl upon your shoulders
You were wasting time.

And when you were alone
You spent the summer waiting up inside your window
In a town that didn't want you
You were doing fine

CHORUS
Some nights
When we fall asleep
We are falling away
As we dream about a time when
We will lie with another
At the end of the day

VERSE
And then there came a time,
The day you realised the city didn't love you
You were drinking in the sinking sun with all your friends

And so you ran away
You paid no mind to all the ties that used to bind you
Stuck a pin into the map to justify the ends

BRIDGE
Are you scared of staying still
Or something closer to dying?
Did you mean it when you said you'd be okay?

She told you she would take you
if she saw that you were trying
Even minutes can feel like days
Even minutes can feel like days

CHORUS
And some nights
We can smile at each other
If there's nothing to say
Tell me stories of the good times
If you don't set a path
Then you can't lose the way
Track Name: Better
There were pictures in my head and I saw them in the morning
In the afternoon the evening and the night

They told me I'd be better, and they said you were a good man
When I found myself awake before the light.

They put me in a room and I did as you had told me
As they kept me there and said that it was right

I slept and when I woke I believed that it was morning
In the afternoon the evening and the night

I believed my life would be exactly as I made it
I believed a future lay within my sight

I believed there'd come a day when we'd sing through the morning
Through the afternoon the evening and the night
Through the afternoon the evening and the night
Track Name: The Waves
A dream she set fire to the nests in the orchard
A dream that she cried watching them burn

A dream she got lost on the shore of a wasteland
A dream of a globe that continued to turn

She wishes to be a poet, a lover
She wishes a life that is different and new

She wishes to know the divine, the specific
She wishes a life that is distant and true

A dream she stepped out from the bank of the river
A dream she ran out of the right things to say

A dream that she went there with stones in her pockets
A dream she was gone by the break of the day
Track Name: Two Thousand One Hundred and Sixty
VERSE
You know that you're lost
And you hope to be found
And you count down the minutes,
You count down the minutes

You make yourself rules
And you try not to drown
And you count down the minutes,
You count down the minutes

CHORUS
I just want you to see me
Through the spaces in my armour wearing thin
I'm just trying to reach you
Hold on until you hear the violins

VERSE
You wish you were gone
As you stand in the dark
And you count down the minutes
You count down the minutes

And the tick of the clock
Is the beat of your heart
And you count down the minutes
You count down the minutes

CHORUS
Trying to get you to hear me
Calling out the hidden places I have been
I just want you to know me
But the end for you is the place where I begin